23 WEEKS - THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Ever seen a bug on the ground, that's somehow landed on it's back and can't seem to roll over?  This morning.... I was that bug.

As per usual, I woke up with a strong urge to pee.  However, between the memory foam mattress, all encompassing pregnancy pillow and rock solid belly... I was stuck.  And not stuck in a "oh this will be hard to get out of" way, but like in a "oh my god I going to pee myself aren't I" way.  In an attempt to resolve the matter, I pushed one side of my pregnancy pillow off the bed.  2 points for Kristen. Then, in what I can only compare to the scene in Wolf of Wallstreet when Leonardo DiCaprio tries to get into his car after doing a shitload of quaaludes, I flung my body over to the edge of the bed.  I won't say it was my proudest moment, but I will say that I'm glad only one of my dogs got to witness whatever the hell move that was. The next part was probably the trickiest.  I did this rock back and forth motion trying to get momentum to propel myself off the bed. After about 6 rocks I launched myself off the side and by the grace of God landed on my feet.  The take away from this little story is...don't take for granted what it's like to bend at the waist.

Truth be told, I've always thought pregnant women were being dramatic.  I'm guilty of seeing pregnant women ask for help to get out of a chair and rolling my eyes, thinking, "Why do they act so helpless and lazy?  Just stand up, you aren't disabled! Ugh I definitely won't be like that when I'm pregnant."  Oh former Kristen...lol This morning was your karma.  The struggle is real.  Getting up isn't easy.

HOW FAR ALONG:
23 weeks, 119 days left

DUE DATE:
September 13, 2015

WEIGHT GAIN:
9 lbs. Still feeling like 60% of that is boobs.  The boob spurts are out of control. I had a dream last night that my boobs ballooned up so big that I could rest my chin on them and that I became known as boob girl on the internet.  It was actually quite a disturbing dream.

SYMPTOMS:
back pain...heartburn and back pain.  Not sure if it's the ginormous boobs messing with my center of gravity or the little guy in side of me playing a game of "lets sit on mommy's sciatic nerve", but either way the pain is no joke.  This past week I contorted my body into some super weird prenatal yoga positions trying to find relief, but that really only led to my dog thinking I was trying to play with her and licking my face. Lets see.... besides back pain and heartburn...and lets face it, water will give me heartburn at this point, the only other big inconvenience is my ever-growing belly.  The limited range of motion and sight is making it quite difficult to shave my nether regions.  Not sure what kind of Edward Scissorhands masterpiece I've hacked down there, but I'm certain once my husband takes a look, he'll either be incredibly impressed or frightened. I'll keep you posted.

CRAVINGS: Sleep.

SLEEP:
okay-ish.  I say okay-ish b/c I'm getting use to the sleep deprivation. Usually I wake up to pee. Sometimes I wake up b/c I've accidentally rolled onto my back.  My body likes to wakes me up when I roll onto my back.  You know how sometimes when you're falling asleep, your body will like jolt and you feel like you're falling and it wakes you up pretty violently?  Ok it's kind of like that, but like more pain...and gasping for air.  Whatever wakes me up...that's it for a few hours.  I'm either perusing Pinterest for crafts I'll never do or reading the forums on my What to Expect app. Note to self: stop reading the forums, Kristen, those women are crazy.

BELLY BUTTON:
in, but definitely more "out" than it's ever been.  Feels like all week I've been fishing out lint from years past.  It's almost like a time capsule of questionable outfits I've worn...saving tiny pieces of cotton for me to find on this magical day.  Once I return to my former self, I definitely am gonna try to maintain belly button cleanliness more.

EXERCISE:
Due to the back pain, I decided to take the week off of working out.  Although at this point, I consider getting up in the morning and going to work as exercise...also breathing...and walking to the bathroom.  Pretty much living is exercise.  Hopefully next week I'll get back on it.

MATERNITY CLOTHES:
I've been rotating between maternity pieces and non maternity pieces.  The truth is...maternity jeans are what dreams are made of.  I hate whoever invented the zipper.  Not sure how can I ever go back. Another problem, for another day.

EXCITED:
for him to come out.  I know that's crazy to be saying when I'm just past half way, but when my app told me he was the size of a mango, I thought...a MANGO??!! yeaaaaa now would be a good time for babies to be delivered.  Feels like every mom in the world could deliver a mango without too many complaints...watermelon? not so much.

MISSING:
working out, sauna, not being treated like i'm disabled...and really just being myself.  I always knew that being a mom would change my life, but I never realized that that started when you become pregnant. Every single thing you do, think, eat, etc...well it's all for somebody else.