28 WEEKS - TOSS AND TINA TURNER

I had my 1 hr glucose test today.  I'd like to take this moment to say I thought the drink was delicious.  I've only heard how disgusting it is and how it's way too sweet, blah blah blah.  I opted for the lemon lime and it tasted like a melted Otter Pop.  Granted it gave me a sugar headache and I've been slightly nauseous, but ladies, don't fear the drink itself.  Cuz Mmmmmmm.  I find out tomorrow if I passed or not, but between you and I...I don't have high hopes.  I have a sneaky suspicion I've got gestational diabetes.  Why you ask?  B/c why not?  I've had every other flippin' symptom you can possibly acquire as a pregnant woman and it would totally be like my baby to snatch away my only remaining joy in life ... carbs!  Your move baby...your move.

HOW FAR ALONG:
28 weeks.  12 weeks left...84 days.  Feels like there is a big ass light at the end of the tunnel and I'm just sprinting towards it now...or waddling at an uncomfortable pace, but you get the point.

WEIGHT GAIN:
18 lbs ::hangs head in shame::  Here's the thing.  I have no idea why I gained 3 lbs in a week.  I have no answer for you.  I always just default to my fat baby...since we've all established he's the fat one, not me.  However, this time I starting to think it's water retention.  Swollen feet, hands and chin tell me something is awry....something suspicious and non-Kristen like is going on. But there you have it folks...I'm probably having a 14 baby...or he has a twin baby that's 100% water.

SYMPTOMS:
The Los Angeles summer is going to do me zero favors.  I can see that now.  Just call me Swells McGee.  Beyond swelling my boobs have started to get sore again, which tells me the milk train has started its engines.  My boobs haven't really hurt since I was 8 weeks.  They've just been a consistent 34 XYZ, but I fear a new boob chapter has begun.  

As per usual there's also they crippling back pain. I've come to the conclusion there's no relief, sooooo.... I think I've entered the phase of "acceptance".

CRAVINGS:
Grapes. It's my go-to, but again...I wouldn't say craving.  I would say I suppose that I like them and enjoy eating them more than usual.

SLEEP:
With great back pain, comes great lack of sleep.  Call me Swells McGee Toss And Tina Turner Sir Pee's A lot.  Here's a picture of what I remember sleep looks like...

BELLY BUTTON, STRETCH MARKS AND WEDDING RINGS:
Belly button is out, wedding ring is off and thankfully no NEW stretch marks.  So far it's just the underboob ones.  Every morning I scan my body like I'm Sherlock Holmes on the biggest case of his life.  Sometimes I sleep without a shirt on and the bed sheet will leave a wrinkle on my skin and I'm like OMG OMG OMG... what... is... that! I've even had Anthony start "checking my work" when I get out of the shower, b/c I can't really see the underside of my belly.  So I'm like "look on the bottom, are the stretch marks?"  He says no, but I'm pretty sure he's just looking at my vagina and not even paying attention. Men...

EXERCISE:
Still swimming.  Probably going to start ramping up my swim schedule, b/c it really relieves the back pain and stretches me out.  I've also started prenatal yoga at Two Hearts Yoga in Sherman Oaks.  It was amazing.  One might say priceless.  I've decided to continue that up until I give birth. I'll do what I can for the remaining weeks, but I can't have this pressure on me to look like a super model when I feel this miserable.  I'll just be the before/after mom trying to fight the flubber postnatal. 

EXCITED:
Anthony and I start Hypnobirthing Class with Alisha Tamburri in July.  Call me a hippy, but I'm  genuinely super excited to take this class.  I have nothing against modern medicine or science...I'm the first one to give you an ADVIL or PEPTO BISMOL.... and I'm so not trying to be a natural birth super hero, I just know that I do not want an epidural.  I'm claustrophobic and the idea of not being able to feel from the waist down scares the shit out of me. I don't want a shot in my spine, I don't want a catheter... the whole thing just doesn't make sense to me.  Go with me for a second...

I can't help but think back to those sporadic times when I've had a "slightly larger than normal number 2" abrewing.  You don't just push and annihilate your sphincter...no no no...you start shifting and moving and bending and maneuvering it out, right?  And lets all not pretend like this has never happened before.  Everyone has had one giant poo that they had to work out.  Well I can't help but think that giving birth is kinda the same. You're supposed to feel pain, so you stop what you're doing, shift, maneuver...work it out, right?  I don't know.  In my head, I feel like if I can work him out, I'll be less likely to tear or rip and that recovery might be easier.  At the end of the day...millions of women for centuries have given birth naturally.  I'd like to think I'm strong enough...but also, I know I'm not remotely prepared...ergo Hypnobirthing.  I'll keep you posted on how the classes go, but the theory behind it all makes sense.

MISSING:
Just gonna reuse last weeks since it still applies...bending at the waste, not looking fat, having one chin, being able to put on my own socks.