33 WEEKS - PREGNANCY WHACK-A-MOLE

Last Monday, whilst minding my own pregnant business, doing my best attempt at putting on socks, I started having some weird symptoms.  As you know, since I've entered the phase of "acceptance"...I just kind of embrace the pain, uncomfortableness and over all miserable feeling.  Miserable is my new normal.  Well when I started to go blind, feel faint...and then, did faint, I realized maybe I've been too accepting, too brave. lol The next few moments went a little like this...

RING RING RING
"Hey Dr. Schmones...ya I'm sure this is completely normal, but I've kind of went blind in one eye and I was just calling to make sure this is a normal pregnancy thing and that it'll go away and that I'm ok."
"What do you mean blind?"
"Oh you know it's kind of like a jagged rainbow that's covering up my eye and everything is blurry."
"That's definitely not normal. Are you having any other symptoms?"
"Well my left foot is numb, but that's probably just a pinched nerve or something."
"Numb, like you can't feel it?"
"Yea...."
"Kristen, please get someone to drive you over here right now."
"You sure?"
"Yes."

Anthony ended up driving me and as it turns out, my blood pressure was high, my blood platelets were low and got a +1 protein reading in my urine.  <------all indicative of preeclampsia.  I was immediately admitted to the hospital.  Yada Blah Blah...skip to the end of the day.  Final diagnosis: The blindness was caused by an aurora ocular migraine...which was by far the freakiest bit for me, but least alarming for the doctors.  Basically in my left eye I could only see this...but like more of it...and it lasted for several hours followed by 3 days of blurry vision.  

Neurologist came in to check out my numb foot. She ruled all the normal reasons for it and now I have a nerve test on Wednesday to find out what the hell is up with that. Could be anything...

My blood pressure eventually did go back down, so I was released, but not without some other scary news, my blood platelets are low, which can be indicative of problems with clotting...which can be scary for a person who is gonna birth a little person soon...and could lose a lot of blood.  Normal range is 150-400...i was 137 and have since dropped down to 127...and had another blood test today.  We shall see.  Being pregnant is scary.  Hoping my levels go up or at least remain steady.

I'm being monitored now... more blood tests, weekly visits, weekly urine tests...all the fun stuff.  My theory is that due to my Mother Theresa-like strength through this heinous pregnancy, I'm going to birth the greatest human alive.  He will be the best baby in the universe and all will know his name....cuz, karma, right? 

Anyways, my husbands closing remarks regarding the hospital stay were "hey at least we kind of got like a trial run at the hospital, huh?" <------(a man who puts his foot in his mouth a lot)

HOW FAR ALONG:
33 weeks. Time seems to be going a lot quicker in this trimester.  Quicker...just not quick enough.

WEIGHT GAIN:
Interesting story about gaining 21 lbs in 33 weeks, which actually I didn't gain any weight until 12 weeks...so this is more so like 21 lbs in 21 weeks.  Well, I was leaving prenatal yoga yesterday and walking down the stairs to my car feeling very accomplished and sure of myself.  I stepped off the last stair into the parking lot...yes I saw the step, no I did not lose my balance...I simply stepped down...and my ankle said "Ah hell no bitch!" and collapsed.  Scraped the skin off my right knee, purse went flying, car keys went soaring, left ankle turned black and blue and swoll up to the size of my fist.  4 people came running at me and all I could think was "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" I was carried to my car...in tears of course and drove home cursing the universe.  According to my doctor, your body releases a hormone called Relaxin when you are pregnant...which increases closer to your due date.  It's basically a big ole muscle relaxer...slows down digestion and also relaxes your muscles for birth.  Another side effect is you become more accident prone.  I'm beginning to think I may be the laughing stock of my OB's office at this point.  I just come in and it's like a game of whack-a-mole...as soon as one things gets better WHACK! blindness WHACK! sprained ankle WHACK! numb foot.  Anyways...I think my ankle was like "listen woman...dis is just too much weight...I ain't working this hard for another 6 weeks so gonna need to slow it down up in hur" (Apparently my ankle is a sassy gay black man).  Message received loud and clear. (as I wear a foot brace, hobble on top of my waddle and nurse a nasty scab/wound).

Don't judge my sausage toes...everything is just swollen these days.  

This is Shelby protecting my foot. :)

SYMPTOMS:
Heartburn has ramped up more than I thought possible.  I threw up in my mouth a little when I did downward dog in yoga. Lots and lots of swelling, edema if you want the technical term.  So swollen that my knuckles feel bruised.  Least I'm not this woman right?

For the record, I'd like to state that I feel as though I've been gipped out of the good symptoms...ie I'm 97% certain my hair hasn't grown even a cm my entire pregnancy.  Also my nails are basically the same. So...pssssh whatever pregnancy....what the fuck ever.

CRAVINGS:
Oooooo I finally got one!  Ice chips!  I've eaten at least 4 lbs of ice chips in the past week.   My luck, I'll break a tooth next, but in the meantime...crunch! 

SLEEP:
Sleep has been good, thanks to HYPNOBIRTHING....and I'd just like to give a super big shoutout to my "birth companion" Anthony who has been hypnotizing me to sleep every night.  Turns out he has a very calm speaking voice that I'm highly susceptible to. Go figure. Anyways I've had very deep sleep and been feeling refreshed every morning.  Lets hope he doesn't start throwing in his own suggestions in here and there.  I really want to say to anyone pregnant out there...take a hypnobirthing class.  Just do it.  It's the best thing in the world.  It's priceless.  I wish I'd taken it sooner.  I could've used it in pregnancy...and just life in general.  It's amazing.  Alisha Tamburri is my hero. I'm gonna birth the shit out of this baby and it's gonna be glorious.  Bring it September!

BELLY BUTTON, STRETCH MARKS ADN WEDDING RINGS:
Belly button is out, wedding ring off and my OB said...and I quote "nice skin".  <----------feeling fairly proud of that lol  These are the kind of compliments I get these days.

EXERCISE:
 Swimming and yoga. 

EXCITED:
To see what he looks like and what his little personality is like.  Forget the organs, skin and heartbeat...I'm ready to meet the little human I made.  He better be hilarious or super cool. 

MISSING:
People not staring at my stomach.  A pregnant belly transcends age, gender, ethnicity....people just stare all the time.

Here is my dog Marty just chilling kind of uniquely this past weekend.