36 WEEKS - NEVER TAKE A POO FOR GRANTED

As some of you may know, this past Tuesday I was put on bed rest by my doctor.  Blood pressure was elevated, blood platelets dropped again, and my overall health and energy seemed to be failing.

I've had every intention of working until my water broke on the floor, but after my last check up, he looked at me firmly and said "No more.  If you continue to work, you're going against my medical advice and putting yourself and your baby in danger."  I cried...but what else is new? lol I have a strong work ethic and didn't want to let anyone down, or appear weak, but he was right.  If I'm truly honest with myself, I should not of been working the past 3 weeks.  I've been dizzy, swollen, light headed and just felt off.  Low blood platelets with anemia... I mean... I should not of been driving a car, which is ultimately what he said. 

It's been an adjustment.  I've napped a lot.  A whole lot...probably gonna take a nap after I finish typing this.  I wish I could say I feel better, but honestly I'm still woozy and out of it and feel off, but at least I'm not stressed, tired or driving a car.  I've done my best, but you gotta know when to tap out.

HOW FAR ALONG:
36 weeks.  Thought I might do a fun before/after shot in some bra/undies that I clearly don't fit in anymore.

WEIGHT GAIN:
23 lbs.  He has put on a LOT of weight in the past 3 weeks. Also, he's like a middle schooler hanging out at the mall with a group of friends...only the mall is my bladder and his friends are his hands...and his friends punch me so much I think I'm might pee myself.  He's so heavy, any time I sit down, I'm legit ...100% stuck. I have to will my mind, build up momentum and hope I don't overestimate my launch. <-----that's happened more than I'd like to admit.  You topple forward and suddenly you're in an unplanned downward dog or cat/cow position with boobs and belly flying all over the place. My dignity has definitely taken a hit this year.  

SYMPTOMS:
Sciatica. I mean...the pain is so severe and constant that it wakes me in the middle of the night in tears. It's this unescapable pain that I can only compare to junior high growth spurt pains...but like your leg is also on fire on the inside...and your mom isn't there to come in the room and rub your leg until you fall asleep :/ 

Funny thing about sciatica... and most pregnancy symptoms, is there's no actual cure for it besides useless old wives tales and to simply rest assure "it goes away shortly after giving birth". Can someone tell me why are there so many debilitating pregnancy symptoms with no cures, yet there are pills to give men boners. Besides TUMS for heartburn...every other symptom is like "eat ginger, drink water, elevate your feet, pray to the gods, spin 4 times and howl at the moon...and i'm like what the fuckity fuck is going on here?  Has modern medicine really not figured out how to cure all these ailments or is it just not as profitable as getting a old guy's dick hard?  See a real product that exists below...

Heartburn has hit such a critical level that I took a drink of water last night and when I laid down, I instantly vomited it on my shirt. I won't lie to you...I didn't clean myself up.  I just accepted it and went back to sleep with my water vomit soaked shirt, b/c pregnancy has made me her bitch and that's ok.

Also, I haven't pooped since Tuesday.  I've taken Miralax, drank lots of water, had plenty of fiber and nuts, but alas...the heart wants what the heart wants...which is apparently for me to not poo. I'd try and fight the good fight and sit on the toilet and work it out, but as previously discussed I fear the hemorrhoids and I'm not mentally prepared to go down that road. Guess I'll do a few hail mary's, eat a banana, save the rainforest and hope it cures me. Never take for granted a daily poo. It's very freeing. 

CRAVINGS:
I wouldn't say I've had a craving for anything specific, but my body is craving more food.  I eat...and it's like "no bitch! what are you a baby bird? eat another burger!" and I'm over here like..."ok fine".  When you hit critical swollen fat face level 1000,  it's like meh, I'll figure the rest out later...These crazy Instagram models with tennis ball sized baby bumps and 6 packs 2 days after giving birth can just ...nm I won't say anything bad, but come on? What crossroads demon did they make deals with?

SLEEP:
Between the sciatica, peeing and inability to toss and turn...it's not good, but I'm completely use to sleep deprivation so...this doesn't bother me anymore.  

BELLY BUTTON, STRETCH MARKS AND WEDDING RINGS:
Belly button is fully out, and no stretch marks.  You tell me if you could fit a wedding ring on this hand. Try not to faint. #SWOLL

EXERCISE:
I haven't done a single thing. I wish I could've been more active in this pregnancy, but I've learned to listen to my body, go with the flow...and ultimately follow doctor's orders.  This isn't the time to push yourself or fight the pain.  When your body tells you to stop, you gotta stop. Hasn't helped that it's been in the 100's in Los Angeles this week.  

EXCITED:
To meet him.  I'm just so curious at this point. Like what does he look like? What color is his hair? Is he funny?  Is he nice? 

MISSING:
Just being myself and having my own body back.

THANKFUL:
I probably should've ended every blog with this category. 

*I'm thankful for my OB and nurse who really look out for me, even when I don't.  
*And my husband who's gotten me gallons of water and ice chips...and helped me out of positions I've been stuck in.  I'm even thankful for his 30 second half ass attempts at massages before he stops because his "hands hurt". 
*I'm thankful my baby is healthy.  
*And that all these god forsaken symptoms will go away once he comes. 
*My aunt and cousin sent me the biggest box of baby clothes in the universe.  It took me 2 hours to sort through it all and put it away.  This kid is already so loved and spoiled...and this mom is happy she won't have to buy him a single outfit. :)

LABOR SIGNS:
None...got some touch and go Braxton Hicks, but nothing to get excited about. I've started taking Evening Primrose Oil 1500 mg.  We're all friends here, I'm not gonna sugar coat it...I take one pill orally and one vaginally.  It's supposed to soften the cervix and get things moving.  It's a gel capsule that I poke a few holes in.  It's super leaky, soooo do what you need to do. I chase it with a Raspberry Leaf Tea, which is great for prepping in the uterus.