38 WEEKS - THE LAST WEEK

I received some unfortunate news this week regarding my thrombocytopenia. My blood platelets took yet another nose dive and dropped to a critical level.  A level where it's no longer safe for me to get an epidural or pain med of any sort.  My first reaction was "Well that's ok, I wasn't planning on getting an epidural anyways." To which my OB responded, "Yes but, if for any reason we have to do a c section, the only option would be to put you under and do the surgery." And I'd be waking up from that surgery...with no meds. <-----not something that had crossed my mind at all. 

What this all means? Means we will induce next week to make sure my platelets don't drop any further.Means once I'm admitted, I have to get a steroid shot to ensure my blood clots properly and I don't like...bleed out on the table. Means if I have to get a c section, I will miss the first 10-20 minutes of my son's life...his first cry, skin on skin...all of it. Means, I'm sat here feeling sorry for myself like an asshole and asking why me? Why do I like get...EVERYTHING? Why do I get this rare condition that like 5% of pregnant women get AND anemia AND a numb foot AND sciatica AND hyperemesis gravidaraum AND everything else in the universe? Why can't I be this happy, glowing, grateful pregnant woman who isn't in constant pain complaining to the internet every week?  I guess I just feel defeated b/c this was the one thing I had left...my one last hope.  A natural birth, with hypnobirthing and calmness, and skin on skin and all the hippy shit a girl could ever want.  It could still happen, but with the looming induction...if my body doesn't respond quickly to the Pitocin, between my anemia and low platelets, I'm not sure how much energy and stamina my body can handle. I'm just gonna have to hold on tight and be the strongest Kristen I've ever been...and pray to God that he just comes naturally within the next week and my vagina acquires the attitude of "lets do this!"

HOW FAR ALONG:
38 weeks.  I can not believe I made it this far. I am a warrior...rarrrrrr

WEIGHT GAIN: 24 lbs #Selfie

SYMPTOMS:
I have successfully acquired all possible pregnancy symptoms sooooo...nothing left to add really. The numbness in my left foot is now also in my right toe...so I'm really anxious for that to go away b/c it's a weird sensation not feeling your feet. Also feeling uber tight nerves on the top of my feet and up legs? Ya thats pretty uncomfortable and painful. I can't wait for all 47 of my symptoms to just disappear.  It's gonna be an epic day.

CRAVINGS:
Just food.  Been eating a LOT of food...of the In-N-Out Burger variety lol

SLEEP:
Between the anemia and low blood platelets I'm probably sleeping close to 14 hours a day, averaging 2-3 naps mid day. Can't wait to get my energy levels back and not feel like the walking dead.

BELLY BUTTON, STRETCH MARKS AND WEDDING RINGS:
I thought I saw a stretch mark. I was seconds from a nervous breakdown, but turns out it was just a residual imprint from my pillow after taking a nap.  crisis averted. coconut oil FTW!

EXERCISE:

EXCITED:
To be a family of 3 and have a whole new batch of craziness begin. I literately have no idea how to be a mom...beyond like...good old fashioned common sense, so it should be interesting and exciting. 

MISSING:
Fall tv shows...this summer line up has been brutal. I'm House Hunter-ed out...it's like OMG HGTV we get it...everyone wants an open concept floor plan and crown molding, get over it already! If I see one more ass wipe refuse to buy a home because he doesn't like the color of a wall, I'm gonna go crazy. It's called paint...paint.  Ahhhhh <------the ramblings of a crazy person who needs proper tv to start back up.

THANKFUL:
For all of you who read this every week...and comment...and tell me its all gonna be worth it...and remind me that I'm almost done. Who would've thought that internet people and little comments, could make such a big difference? 

This might sound ridiculously insane, but as a side thing, Anthony and I host dogs in our home.  It's awesome.  Well this past week, we've been watching a particular angel, Luna, who has been just what I needed after my shitty news this week. She followed me to the bathroom for every middle of the night pee, cuddled with me when I was feeling sorry for myself, and gave me kisses any time I looked at her. Dogs can be incredibly comforting...and this one helped me more than she'll ever know. 

LABOR SIGNS:
Not sure if they are labor signs, but I've been having hot flashes.  Still with the period cramps and vaginal soreness. I'm hoping these are labor signs, but honestly I have no clue lol

For Anthony,