PREGNANT AGAIN AND JUST STOPPED BREASTFEEDING

Here's one giant update.

The Original, The Remix and The Encore :) Yes I realize we're in the wrong order, but...toddlers.

The Original, The Remix and The Encore :) Yes I realize we're in the wrong order, but...toddlers.

Cat is out of the proverbial bag. I am, in fact, pregnant. Again. Just gonna answer a few questions I keep getting asked for all the inquiring minds out there.

Did you plan it or is it an accident? First off, weird question…borderline rude, but sure.. we all ask this question so I’ll indulge. Especially since I can see why, after my last pregnancy, people might be shocked I'm doing it again. The answer is yes, my husband and I frequent coitus. No, I haven’t used birth control since a vile reaction to the NuvaRing back in 2007. So we weren’t tracking ovulation or actively trying to impregnate my womb, but we weren’t not trying either, if that makes any sense. For a while there we were using my favorite form of birth control, a little known thing called abstinence (from being too exhausted from parenting). But we got the sexy train moving again, got lax with the ole pull out method and wa la…just like they teach you in health class, a child is born. So I won’t act like I’m shocked…like I have no idea how babies are made. If you don’t use birth control and have unprotected sex, then I suppose you can’t say it’s an accident unless you just like…don’t get how it all works lol 

Are you excited? Again...odd question, but lets do this. No I'm not excited to be pregnant. Pregnancy kinda hates my body and the feeling is very much mutual. No I'm not excited to give birth. If you read my last birth story, you get it. No I'm not excited to deal with a newborn and not sleeping for another couple years. All that being said, yes, I'm excited. Because as much as all of that sucks, it's part of it...part of getting to make and hang out with an awesome human. So if I hesitate when you ask, it's because I'm currently in the crappy part.

How far along? Kinda unclear on that one, because I got three different answers and none of them seemed more legit than the other, but let’s just say I’m somewhere in my 13th week, so officially in the second trimester.

Boy or girl? Only an envelope hidden from my husband knows. He wants to know now. I do not. Until we can agree, it remains in the envelope (which, full disclosure, I threw out last trash day because I didn't trust him to snoop.) My spider senses tell me another boy.

Omg it was in an envelope and you didn't read it?? Why don’t you wanna know gender? From the first bout of nausea on this pregnancy I was ever so quickly reminded how truly horrible pregnancy happens to be for me and my body. So I’ve come to terms with the reality that this is 100% my last child. Yes I’m grateful my body can produce kids, but pregnancy has never been remotely joyous, but instead quite scary and painfully miserable. I've been told I already have gestational thrombocytopenia again, which really sucks. (Basically I have low blood platelets) Also, most days I feel like I'm actually dying. So ya…last kid.

Here’s what I know about having a boy or a girl…when that baby comes out I will not care at all if it’s a boy or girl. I will just be so happy to meet him or her that nothing will matter. But for the next 6ish months, I get to dream and think about it all. I get to think about Killian having a little brother and them being super cute together. But I also get to dream about having a little girl. I had the greatest relationship ever with my mom and of course I crave that relationship for myself. So I won’t sit here and lie and pretend like I don’t ever want a daughter. I do. So if I find out now, that perhaps I never will have a daughter, I think I might be sad…and then I’ll feel guilty for feeling sad…and how terrible is that for my, more than likely, little boy who’s done nothing wrong? So ya…I don’t wanna know, because it won’t matter when he/she comes. Once he comes out I’m gonna be like omg yas why are you so cool and adorable! #BoyMomForever

For anyone wanting to keep up with my pregnancy I'll do weekly updates like last time.

HOW FAR ALONG: 13 weeks give or take

WEIGHT GAIN: 1 lb, which is quite shocking considering all the take out I’ve eaten.

SYMPTOMS: Morning sickness, although nowhere near as bad as last time. Praise baby Jesus no hyperemesis gravidarum this time. Also the nausea usually only kicks in around 3 PM till bed time instead of ALL day. AND I don’t actually puke…just feel like I’m gonna. So overall SOOOO much better than last time, but also…can I skip to October already? I’m fatigued, have insomnia, get headaches and charlie horse, super dizzy and light headed, sore nipples, bloated AF and definitely more emotional than I was last time. 

CRAVINGS:
Massive food aversions right now so I can’t cook a thing and most things make me wanna barf. So I’ve been eating lots of cold food, fruit, cereal and …take out. For someone reason if someone else cooks it out of sight or smell, I can eat it. 

SLEEP:
Insomnia since day 1. Also having the incredibly disturbing and very vivid pregnancy dreams. And can I just say these dreams make me feel like I should be in some kind of mental institute. My subconscious is all kinds of weird.

BELLY BUTON, STRETCH MARKS AND WEDDING RING:
Everything is normal so far. Just looks like i have a severe beer gut.

EXERCISE:
Nope but I’m starting today. No seriously

EXCITED:
For my pool to heat up so I can start floating around feeling weightless.

MISSING:
Breastfeeding. And you should know this is very hard for me to even type out, but we've recently come to a close on breastfeeding. 19 Months. My son breastfed for 19 months, but I think two days ago was the last time. I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Oh holy crap 19 months? That’s super creepy, no?”, then there’s another batch of you saying “Only 19 months, why would you stop? Keep going till he’s 5.”, and then another few of you thinking “Good job doing it as long as you could.” I never had any expectations for breastfeeding. I hoped my nipples worked and that I could do 6 months, but I honestly had no idea what breastfeeding really entailed. It was magical, painful, rewarding, and one of the hardest workout regimes I ever stuck too. And it's not just like you do it and share your calorie loss on Facebook. It's this weird subject where everyone has an opinion about it. To be honest, I had loads of pressure to stop breastfeeding him after 3 months. And the longer I went, the more looks I got, and more snarky comments I heard. In fact, my mother in law asked me 3 times during her last visit when he was 11 months old “When are you going to stop doing 'that'?” lol I don’t think she meant harm, but I suppose whipping a nip out can be a bit blunt for an older generation. They didn’t grow up in the #freethenipple world. I joked, “I suppose when he’s done…hopefully before he starts school.” I’m still not sure if she knew I was joking. 

Truth is my boobs were as frequented as a McDonalds drive thru up until 1 month ago. Killian came and went as he pleased. And why not? He was healthy, growing, always hydrated and none of those snark comments had much of an effect on me. I loved the bonding and ability to eat what I wanted without gaining weight lol It was awesome. However as soon as I got pregnant, things changed real fast. My nipples got raw and every time he fed, I instantly felt nauseous.  It’d hit me like a wave and ruin my whole day. In fact, I had to unlatch him twice because I thought I was gonna puke all over his face. So the decision was made… I weaned him as quickly as I could, feeling guilty the whole time. I don’t wanna say we’re done, but…we’re done. I haven't fed him in two days, and he hasn't been clawing at me like he use to.  Sucks. A reminder of all the things he’s gonna lose from me because now I have to share him with someone else. Bitter sweet. But I'm proud of myself and I suppose the girls could use a rest for round two.

As for Killian, he's 19 months now. He's 34 inches and 28 lbs. He's incredibly active, talks a bunch and eats like a champ. He probably speaks close to 200 words, maybe more. He hates meat and dairy in any form, except homemade meatballs. Still trying to monitor his calcium, but the acidity in orange juice gave him a nasty diaper rash so we had to really cut back. He sleeps like clock work. Naps from 11:30-1:30 and sleeps from 8:00pm-7:00am. He's defiant, strong willed and definitely an instigator. Most days he's covered in scrapes and bruises. His favorite things are to antagonize the dogs, go to Disneyland and watch Mickey and the Roadster Racers. A second season of that can't come soon enough.